Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Fuzzy in the Middle

Submerged in the decade of transitions and decisions,
summer break to another fall semester
university years to a career
singlehood to a marriage,
I find myself in one of my moods.

It isn't my Blah Mood:
Characterized by its ability to strip away my foundation of motivation and leave me sitting useless like a bump on a log.

It isn't my Soul Sista Mood:
In which I blast Beyonce throughout the house and belt at the top of my lungs because no one is home and its just plain invigorating.

It isn't my Sunday Mood:
When I find myself once again standing before the bigger picture which always seems to transform my stumbling blocks into stepping stones.

And it isn't my Merrr Mood:
When the flow of trafficking thoughts in my head collide in a terrible and indiscernible traffic jam, calmed only by prayer, stroking the keys of my piano and a late night "ventilation session".

No my friends, it seems to me that I am the Columbus of a brand new mood, which I see fit to name, my Fuzzy Mood, symptoms include:
  • Hope in a glorious future
  • A mild fetish with To-Do lists and goal setting
  • An inability to articulate my thoughts (perhaps a branch off of my Merrr Mood)
  • Discontentment with more first dates
  • An overall thirst for change
It's not a bad mood, I am grateful that it lacks the "bump on a log"-ness of my Blah Mood. I am driven forward by my personal goals, I am excited for the future. Yet, like doing a puzzle, I feel that a piece is missing somewhere. I know that Heavenly Father is holding that piece and will place it in designated empty space when He knows I'm ready for it. I'm grateful for my relationship with Him that allows me patience and trust in His plan.

For now, I am neither here nor there,
I'm just passing time in self-improvement
Somewhere in between

...fuzzy in the middle.


Leon said...

I've been ruminating over this post. Ruminating, as it were, is the act of chewing cud...and it's quite disturbing in its literal sense...OK, I'll stop now.

Your new mood sounds...exciting. Replace to-do lists with "bump on a log" and and change discontent with first dates to malcontent with dating, and you have me. ;)

Megan said...

Oh, geeze. I have SO been there... numerous times. I've always struggled with how to explain the feelings of that "place." You have done a fabulous job explaining it. I have a theory about girls like us (Yes, I just categorized us together. Very presumptuous, I know.) It has a little something to do with being big fish in a little pond... That's the best way I can think to sum the theory up. Perhaps I'll blog about the theory someday when I have more time. :)
First dates..... BLAH! I just got sick to my stomach.

tscotriverside said...

In the spirit of keeping promises, I find myself sitting at the airport patiently waiting for my flight to leave and commenting on your blog at the last minute.

Please forgive any typos in advance as I am using my phone to type.

I spoke with Corina last night and she mentioned that after reading my own blog she ventured on to yours. She commented on your creativity and your talent. It should come as no surprise that I share her sentiments. You've got a way with words and articulating thoughts that allow people like me and Megan to relate to the words that you have written.

With that said, it sounds as though you are no stranger to a variety of different moods but you are an explorer of new ones. My favorite among them is the Merrr Mood because despite an overwhelming flow of thoughts you are still able to articulate them wonderfully even if you don't agree. Nobody likes the unmotivation of a blah mood or the discontment of dating from a fuzzy in the middle mood.

Whatever the mood maintain an optimistic attitude and an eternal perspective until that last piece of the puzzle is carefully and perfectly placed..

Scott said...

I think that I'm speechless. . . no wait, I guess I just can't say much more besides what has been said: you definitely have a way with words. It's so eloquent yet understandable and you have described a mood that even guys encounter (assuming other guys would include themselves in this mood). Bello e magnifico