I'm pretty sure I'm one of the happiest people on the planet right now.
Now, if you had asked me that this morning my response would've been a laugh...
Yeah, most likely a laugh. Like, "HA!" right in your face. Sorry...but it's true.
That's not to say I wasn't happy this morning, but my happiness was deep...really really deeply hidden under layers of inadequacy, nerves, and, to be honest, terror. Lack of faith, in short.
I've got a new calling. That's LDS-talk for a new assignment in my church.
An in depth description would be something like:
Calling: an assignment given by a bishop, through prayer and a confirmed belief that it is God's will as confirmed by the Spirit, to individuals within the church allowing them the opportunity to administer in various capacities within the church.
Anyway...I've been thinking a lot about it and I've come up with many answers to the question that keeps popping into my head,
"What does Heavenly Father want me to learn?"
Love - check.
Service - check.
Hard work - check.
Collaboration - check.
How to delegate - check.
I mean, I think those are all inevitable if I do my best.
The thing that hit me the most was this:
I think God wants me to learn that I can rely on myself.
Like, I can do really hard things with His help.
Therefore, I should in no way be limited by fear of my own personal inadequacies IF what I really want to do is right for me.
I don't know why I do that. Why I limit myself. But I do. Perhaps too often.
Laziness kicks in. Satan says,
"Psh! You? Really? Have you seen your spiritual biceps? You can't handle that."
And unfortunately, an illogical, small, but no less present part of me sneaks past the "Do Not Disturb" sign hanging on my brain...and agrees with that lier.
In some ways, that can be called humility, but in most ways that's called stupidity. Lack of perspective. Forgetfulness in the fact that "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13)
What it comes down to is faith in my Savior
And the enabling power of His atoning sacrifice for me.
The knowledge I have that He lives and that He truly did pay the price for my sins, imperfections, ailments, struggles, sicknesses, etc. etc. is what sustains me everyday and gives meaning and happiness to my life.
The kind of happiness that I feel right this very instant.
And, ya know, I didn't have to look hard for it, it was right in front of my face.
All I had to do was remember Him.
So, maybe that was all just a big rant to get some things off my mind and sorted into discernible thoughts and words...
...or maybe it was something more.
Whatever the case,
Just know that I know it's true
With all of my heart.