That Pretty Much Sums It Up For Me

Good heavens, friends! Are you feeling abandoned? I'd be surprised if you weren't. Sometimes I even feel like I've abandoned myself...

...if that makes sense.

My "new life" is almost unbearably busy. Almost. Being here with you, even just for these few minutes, makes me realize how much I miss writing. It's my sanity. I kind of need it...but, in all honesty, I'm doing the best I can and that's all I can really hope for right now.

Nearly every single thing about my life is soooo different than it ever has been before and it's taking me some time to adjust. Especially because I don't feel like I've even had a split second to think about the idea of even moving a millimeter toward the possibility of maybe trying to think about everything that's been going on.

PHEW!

All I can say is, thank heavens for the constant things in my life! If it weren't for them, I think I'd hardly recognize my life anymore. But no, it's still there, still mine. Heavenly Father's still smiling down on me as I push forward. He's still guiding my path, sending His angels, and bestowing His beautiful blessings. In short, He still loves me and allows me to see small glimpses of His love each day, which reminds me to breathe and not furrow my brow in seriousness, but to smile in joyousness.

Life...

...however hard to recognize at times,

...however synonymous to a sardine can it may seem,

...however much stretching and bending it may require,

...is Beautiful.

I am forever grateful for our Heavenly Father's willingness and ability to take the drab, ordinary, and often downright ugly things that seem to cloud our vision and lovingly shape them into His beautiful masterpieces. All because He wants us to be happy.

I am happy.

Dislike & Love - My New Life

*Note: My "new" life is in reference to the fact that A LOT of changes have taken place the past couple months and especially this week. i.e. Graduating from college, starting a new job, my parents leaving for the Missionary Training Center, moving into my apartment, having a boyfriend (I still need to introduce you), quitting my "student job" of 5 years, being in a brand new ward, new blog design ;) etc.

THIS WEEK I DISLIKE:

Not eating breakfast

(and sometimes lunch),

Not having a bathtub in my apartment

(Week 1 isn't even over and I'm already having withdrawals),

Not sleeping quite enough

(Yikes! I'm just asking for illness. Knock on wood),

Gas prices,

Living in a (soon-to-be-organized) mess,

Working from 7a-9p,

Driving and driving and driving,

The convenience of eating out vs. the inconvenience of working out,

- - -

THIS WEEK I LOVE:

My loving and supportive family & friends,

My “New” Life,

These long and gloriously hot summer days,

Shopping for my own groceries

(I knew I would enjoy that),

Easy hairstyles

(Thanks to my magic wand...curling iron),

Counting down to the Harry Potter 7 Part 2 Midnight Showing,

(21 DAYS!)

Converting people to Harry Potter,

The iPod I lovingly refer to as "myPod,"

The peace I get from FHE and Temple night

(P.S. I love my ward),

Reading Il Libro di Mormon,

My brother's GPS system,

Having the coolest parents in the universe,

Midnight calls after long work days,

Chalkboard mouse pads,

Having a cubicle,

Reading children's books out loud with a cute boy,

The awesome/hilarious people I get to intern/work with

- - -

I think it's fair to say, as I weigh the outcome of these lists, that, though life isn't perfect and I'm still working out the kinks in my new life, the blessings continue to come as I am trying to do my best and I still happen to very much love this beautiful Life that I've been blessed with...in all it's crazy freshly newness!

Add "run-on" sentences to my Love list.

I'm real good at those!

May your "Loves" always outweigh your "Dislikes"

Here Goes...

The Difference Between Mystery Meat & Spiders

Today I sat. And I thought. Unfortunately, that's something I think we miss out on a lot in this busy country of ours. We have gadgets that do our thinking for us while we run around eating microwaved meals and multitasking like it's an olympic event.

Anyway, tangent. The point is I slowed down...for like 5 minutes, but it was a priceless 5 minutes nonetheless. I pondered about my life...again. Trust me, there's a lot to think about. My future for one. It's so exciting and yet SO mysterious at the same time. I mean, sometime's mysterious is intreguing like Carmen San Diego and...other times mysterious things just plain freak me out. Like, the "mystery meat" in the school cafeteria. Eh? Like I said, scary ;)

Ya know what though? Aside from not having a really super cool graphic designer job...yet, I'm REALLY excited about my near future. I've lived long enough to realize that change does NOTHING but stretch me and make me stronger...IF I let it. And why wouldn't I? I mean, it'd be silly not to.

Oh, Life. It'll be interesting living on my own for the first time ever, owning a car, graduating from college, having a career, a brand new ward, running a marathon, etc. My my, that's a lot of changes! In fact, I'm pretty sure Mr. Change didn't leave anything out...OH wait. That's right. I'm still single. Ah-hem! ...I figure that's next on his to do list ;)

Anyway, I don't know where I was going with this. I think mostly I just needed to let my brain get rid of all those words up there, clear out the congestion, more room to breathe and think about the here and now...

AAAAAAGGGHHH!!! Like the nasty spider I just noticed out of the corner of my eye, stealthily scuttling his horendous little way up my pillow. Ew. Ew. I kid you not, this guy's got some LEEEEGS on 'im!!! EW!!! Bbbbhuhuhgggraahhh! *shudder* NASTAAAY!!

"Um, Daaaaaaaad?!" ;)

...annnnnnnd,
then again...

some things never change.

Be The Change

First of all, I love President Gordon B. Hinckley.

Secondly, if you (yes, you) and I were more like these young boys, just think how quickly the hearts of people would be changed for the better and how much more love there would be in the world.

Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

No pun intended ;)

So...what are we waiting for?

Remember, Remember

I'm pretty sure I'm one of the happiest people on the planet right now.

Now, if you had asked me that this morning my response would've been a laugh...

Yeah, most likely a laugh. Like, "HA!" right in your face. Sorry...but it's true.

That's not to say I wasn't happy this morning, but my happiness was deep...really really deeply hidden under layers of inadequacy, nerves, and, to be honest, terror. Lack of faith, in short.

I've got a new calling. That's LDS-talk for a new assignment in my church.

An in depth description would be something like:

Calling: an assignment given by a bishop, through prayer and a confirmed belief that it is God's will as confirmed by the Spirit, to individuals within the church allowing them the opportunity to administer in various capacities within the church.

Too much?

Anyway...I've been thinking a lot about it and I've come up with many answers to the question that keeps popping into my head,

"What does Heavenly Father want me to learn?"

Love - check.

Service - check.

Hard work - check.

Collaboration - check.

How to delegate - check.

I mean, I think those are all inevitable if I do my best.

The thing that hit me the most was this:

I think God wants me to learn that I can rely on myself.

Like, I can do really hard things with His help.

Therefore, I should in no way be limited by fear of my own personal inadequacies IF what I really want to do is right for me.

I don't know why I do that. Why I limit myself. But I do. Perhaps too often.

Laziness kicks in. Satan says,

"Psh! You? Really? Have you seen your spiritual biceps? You can't handle that."

And unfortunately, an illogical, small, but no less present part of me sneaks past the "Do Not Disturb" sign hanging on my brain...and agrees with that lier.

In some ways, that can be called humility, but in most ways that's called stupidity. Lack of perspective. Forgetfulness in the fact that "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13)

What it comes down to is faith in my Savior

And the enabling power of His atoning sacrifice for me.

The knowledge I have that He lives and that He truly did pay the price for my sins, imperfections, ailments, struggles, sicknesses, etc. etc. is what sustains me everyday and gives meaning and happiness to my life.

The kind of happiness that I feel right this very instant.

And, ya know, I didn't have to look hard for it, it was right in front of my face.

All I had to do was remember Him.

So, maybe that was all just a big rant to get some things off my mind and sorted into discernible thoughts and words...

...or maybe it was something more.

Whatever the case,

Just know that I know it's true

With all of my heart.

Jumping Into Rivers

Is it just me or have I not written on here in a while...? Well that's probably because STILL, after 22 and a bit years of life, I have not mastered how to turn the things in my head into the things on paper that you read...you know? Words and such.

See!

Case in point.

My head is spinning with busyness. I don't think I'll be bored for one second during the Christmas break. It seems like I have so much to do. So much I want to do and so much I NEED to do. The brand new year of 2011 will not be without goal setting, that's for sure. There are plenty of stars in the sky that I still haven't reached for... Hoooo boy.

In short, Heavenly Father decided to raise the bar for me...again. I guess I was getting used to jumping that one height for too long...and this time a trampoline isn't going to cut it. Nope, no short cuts. Gotta start jumping to see what new heights I can reach.

This might not make any sense...what can I say? I like to rant ambiguously sometimes...or most of the time. All I can say is, Life without adventures is like a boring little pond that could be a raging river...if it would just move.

As Pocahontas says, "What I love most about rivers is you can't step in the same river twice. The water's always changing, always flowing..."

So I ask Life, "What's around the river bend?"

And Life answers, "Hop in your canoe and I'll show ya!"

Hooo boy, friends. Here we go!

Ditto

I was going to write something,

You know, a slew of indecipherable thought

Or something like unto that. Just to clear my head.

But then it just started sounding a lot like this:

CLICKITY CLICK CLICK

So, I'll just add

DITTO.

And good night!

The Way

I'd rather not conduct an experiment on this theory, but I'm pretty sure that if there was no such thing as sunday I would die. Shall I explain? It's nothing you haven't heard before, but it's something I relearned yesterday.

I think it's safe to say (I have witnesses) that I've had a fairly melancholy weekend. Oh "melancholy"...that is such a deceiving word to me. It sounds fabulous, but it's not. Being sad or down-trodden is no fun, in and of itself, but then not exactly knowing why you are makes it even worse.

I guess if I was completely honest with myself I'd probably attribute it to the fact that I just take too many things on. There is a fine line between favors that build your character and favors that demean your sanity. The difference is quantity vs. quality. How can I ever expect to adequately serve someone if I'm rushing from one thing to another? Real service is giving time, not giving a loaf of bread and rushing out the door to attend to your next "noble deed."

Quality over quantity! ...wow! I really needed that reminder.

You know that song "I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say No" from Oklahoma? Yeah, that's me! Not in terms of "handsome fellers" persay, but in terms of giving favors and volunteering. Everyday is a new search for balance. So, I figure it's probably a good idea to get my "volunteer capacity gauge" figured out before my life gets any crazier... I mean, I like to hope that it won't ever be more crazy than it is now, but if it's consistent with the past, then each new life lesson will be exponentially more crazy than the last. What's really important is my attitude toward life's lessons:

Is being stranded in a river stocked with hungry crocodiles a trial?

Or is it an adventure?

As my friend Bryce always says, "Well...it'd make a good story!"

Attitude determines altitude. What we take from our life's grand adventures, the ones we often call "trials," is up to us. We can't pick and choose which trials we'd like to have and which ones we'd rather sneak around quietly, undetected... It's like that bear hunt song you sang in kindergarden:

"...Can't go over it. Can't go under it. Can't go around it. Gotta go through it."

It's not easy, but gratefully, we are blessed with those moments when at last we reach the summit of a mountainous trial, we rest on a tree stump and happily take in the progress we've made and the beautiful view before us... A view we couldn't have seen if we had just given up at the trail (trial) head.

So, I guess what I'm getting at is this:

Life can change in an instant, but that's no reason to lock yourself in your bedroom and avoid change when it comes knocking. How boring would that be? Are you the same person you were 10 years ago? If yes, well then my friend, you've got some exciting catching up to do. If no, then congratulations ...you've CHANGED! That's good. In fact, it's normal. Change is constant. The trail isn't always going to lead the same way it did yesterday. Uncertainty can be scary or exciting. Happily, it's your choice which turn you take at the next fork in the road. And even more happily, you don't have to make that decision on your own.

That's why I love Sunday. It's a reminder that I'm not alone and that, thank HEAVENS, I don't have to rely on my own ridiculous problem solving skills to get me through the next bend in the road. My Savior has been to the summit before and he knows the way. He is The Way. I love knowing that.

Happy day. All is well.

Like a Roller Coaster, Whoa!

Oh-ho, the twists and turns of Life.

Amazing how so many things can change in just one week’s time, isn’t it?

I wish I could say more than that, but as of now I’m sworn to secrecy.

Blessedly, Heavenly Father has given me some very happy twists to counter the upcoming crazy turns! Wow, Life! You've outdone yourself this time!

Wish me luck!

I have 1st C.H.R.

I went to the dentist this morning

I had my very FIRST cavities (2)

Techinally, I should be proud of myself

Going 22 years without a single cavity

Well, there was the one in the tooth that they pulled for braces.

Phew! A narrow escape.

So, this morning I had them drilled and filled

And now I’m suffering from what I like to call:

1^st Cavity-Haver’s Remorse

I’m so sorry, poor teeth.

If only I had brushed you better. More often.

blah.

Nothing like the smell of drilling bone in the morning, eh?

Ew. Gag.

Never again, I tell you.

NEVAH!

Yes, I'm weird.

I blame the Novocain.

Now if I can go the rest of the day without accidentally biting my numb tongue,

I'll be happy

...ish.

Hungry All Over

My feet are hungry for sandy beaches

My back is hungry for a brutal massage

My stomach is hungry for taco soup

My brain is hungry for a new semester

My shins are hungry for torture (shin splints)

My hands are hungry for B&BW lotion

My voice is hungry for arias and jazz

My teeth are hungry for their first filling L

My hair is hungry for the length it once knew

My heart is hungry for change

My eyes are hungry for a good night’s sleep

In short, if my body were a stomach it would be growling at me.

Happy Easter! Happy Conference!

This weekend is one of my favorite weekends of the whole year,

General Conference!!

Is there anything more beautiful than receiving personal, inspired counsel from our Heavenly Father through a living prophet AND celebrating the Resurrection of our Savior Jesus Christ all in the same weekend?

Happy Easter, everyone!

It's comforting to know that despite all of my faults and shortcomings, I can change for the better, thanks to the Atonement of our loving Savior and the Plan of Salvation prepared for each of us by our Father in Heaven.

Is it just me or does Conference always come at the exact moment you need it most?

There is hope smiling brightly before us

And Life is absolutely Beautiful.

Listen to Conference.

Reach Out

My brother sent me this story in an email today and I cried. Read it and change people's lives:

One day, when I was a freshman in high school,

I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.

His name was Kyle.

It looked like he was carrying all of his books.

I thought to myself,

"Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday?

He must really be a nerd."

I had quite a weekend planned

(parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon),

so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.

They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms

and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.

His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him...

He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.

My heart went out to him.

So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses,

and I saw a tear in his eye.

As I handed him his glasses, I said,

"Those guys are jerks.

They really should get lives."

He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"

There was a big smile on his face,

It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.

As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before.

He said he had gone to private school before now.

I would have never hung out with a "private school kid" before.

We talked all the way home and I carried some of his books.

He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.

I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends

He said yes.

We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle,

the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same.

Monday morning came and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.

I stopped him and said,

"Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!"

He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.

When we were seniors we began to think about college.

Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke.

I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem.

He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class.

I teased him all the time about being a nerd.

He had to prepare a speech for graduation.

I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak

Graduation day, I saw Kyle.

He looked great.

He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school.

He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.

He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.

Boy, sometimes I was jealous!

Today was one of those days.

I could see that he was nervous about his speech.

So, I smacked him on the back and said,

"Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"

He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.

"Thanks," he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began

"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years,

Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends....

I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.

I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the first day we met.

He had planned to kill himself that weekend.

He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later

and was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

"Thankfully, I was saved.

My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable..."

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome,

popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.

I saw his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.

Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions.

With one small gesture you can change a person's life.

For better or for worse.

God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way.

Look for God in others.